I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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