Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
