How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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