the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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