I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
