At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
