Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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