Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
