If i come over, it means nothing
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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