I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
