Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
