They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my being single is dangerous.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
