This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
