Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
