"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
