Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
