His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
