If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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