Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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