Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
