I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
