JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
