Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
