you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have demons in me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Randomize
