if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
