just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
