My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
