the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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