I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
