I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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