you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
