i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
