Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
