i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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