that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
