I'm jealous of your bromance
Define "chronic" masturbator.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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