This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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