the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
