I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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