oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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