I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
