she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
