Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
