Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
