I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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