Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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