she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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