Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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