I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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