Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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