Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm bleeding and have questions
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